chaos week

salam and ii to everyone. its me again. updating this blog for a second time. but this time i think im gonna do it in a malay + english version. aku pn xtaw nape aku tulis post sebelum nie dalam english. tp tue la. setiap kali aku nak luahkan perasaan, aku akan tulis lam english. xtaw nape. aku cuma susah utk mencari ayat BM yg sesuai utk meluahkan perasaan. and i did find its quite a good feeling writing in english. see. stat BI balik.. xleh kawal. its jz appear like that. tgk.. =,=

so minggu nie minggu aku yg leh dikatakan minggu yg agak free. aku cuma ade kelas sekali je pada ari isnin. selasa dan kamis. rabu xde kelas. jumaat 2 kelas. tp waktu free nie buatkan aku bnyak berfikir about my life. there are a lot of thing come out in my mind. not to mention about my grandmother.. i think a lot about my study and also my future career..

i love to be at UTM. i know a lot of people, learn a lot about life, i find love, i find cheating, i find hurting, im hurting sumone i love and a tons of thing that i ever done in UTM. jz lately, im too lazy about study. im too lazy to go to class, to lazy to study. im jz too enjoying having a program and meet new frenz. nak kata sbb susah x gak. im still having a good result. sumtime 4.0, sumtime rendah, sumtime tinggi. but im jz too lazy and too boring. im definitely, definitely dont understand what is going on with me. so there it is about my study.

meanwhile im also thinking about my career. i really2 dont feel like to being an engineer @ all those casual work. u know. work that need u go to office at 8 am and back to home at 5 pm. everyday. i mean, i cannot even think how im gonna do that for one year. its too boring. i dont like that. i dont like to work and do the same thing each and everyday. i want sumting that im gonna do it differently. if not everyday, perhaps every week @ month. sumtime im thinking about being a chef. i love to eat and cook. so its gonna be a good career for me. but u know, i already 3 years in UTM and jz hv one year more before i graduate. am i gonna let those 3 years waste like that?

im also think about being a traveller. pegi melawat tempat ke tempat. bantu org susah. tgk kesusahan org. tp dalam keadaan dunia skrg, sume tue mustahil kecuali anda mempunyai sumting yg dipanggil DUIT. yeah. xde duit xleh watpe r. seriusly, if im rich ( i mean too rich), i will stop study and being a traveller. mahu menjadi seorang yg melimpahkan kurniaan Allah tnpa pernah menghitungnya. i really2 love to be that person. but u know, its impposible for me. im not that rich. tp sape taw an satu hari 6t aku jd kaya ke. so doa2 la an. ne taw aku jumpa harta karun ke, aku invent sumting yg bernilai juta2. haha ( berangan kuat)

that all from me  i think. this week is really2 been a tough and chaos week for my mind. there are a tons of thing that i think.. hopefully there is a better days for tomorrow. amin. :)

losing sumone

salam and ii to everyone. its been a long, long time since my last time updating this blog ryte. yeah. actually im kinda like no idea what to updating and kind of lazy to write thing in this blog. but now, here i am. writing this blog again after, im dunno how long.

i always wonder how will my reaction will be when i got a call that saying im lose sumone especially in my family. lose here i mean sumone is passed away. im always think whether i will be sad or im jz not having any feeling at all. and yes up until now im not sure what my feeling will be.

and last 2 days on 13 march, i got that call.. from my dad saying that my grandmother (my mother side) is passed away. innalillahiwainailaihirojiun. al-fatihah untuk arwah. actually im really2 not closed with my grandmother. both side. grandparents from my dad side, i never could see them. im not sure they died before i was born or died when i was too young. meanwhile my grandmother ( my mother side), im jz remember her when i was like 10 years old. my grandfather and grandmother are divorced and i never see my grandfather. the only thing i know is he passed away when im in matriculation. so the only grandparents that i ever see and know her face is my grandmother. but when i was 10 she already sick because of stroke. so she cannot speak @ move at all. so as the matter of fact, i never feel like having a grandparents.

the only family that i know and closed is jz my parents and my siblings. there a few of uncle and aunty i know from my mother side. and from my father side, i jz know their faced ( sumtime we visit them on Hari Raya). i got a lot of cousin (from both side) but siyesly i dont even know any of their names. not even one. so when i got call from my dad, i jz like nothing. not a feeling show. and im really confused about it. im not sad. but im sad because im not sad. if u got what i mean.

but yeah its also got me thinking, how long will we be still a live. one seconds? one minutes? hour? day? month? year? we would never be sure about that. its can end anytime.. so when i was die, did its enough for me to faced my Creator? all those sin, mistake that i had make.. did i ever ask forgiveness for it? did i got it, from my Creator and from human being..

i also thinking about the person i know is die. am i ever gonna hv chance to ask forgiveness from him/her? does he/she will not claim from my at judgement day? how im gonna pass judgement day if i never ask forgiveness from all of them.

losing sumone (especially sumone u love) is gonna hurt and make u sad. but its never end here. we still got afterlife to deal with. place where it will be forever. in front of our Creator. so on this opportunity, im begging for all of my frenz who read this post to forgive me. from the bottom of my heart..