losing sumone

salam and ii to everyone. its been a long, long time since my last time updating this blog ryte. yeah. actually im kinda like no idea what to updating and kind of lazy to write thing in this blog. but now, here i am. writing this blog again after, im dunno how long.

i always wonder how will my reaction will be when i got a call that saying im lose sumone especially in my family. lose here i mean sumone is passed away. im always think whether i will be sad or im jz not having any feeling at all. and yes up until now im not sure what my feeling will be.

and last 2 days on 13 march, i got that call.. from my dad saying that my grandmother (my mother side) is passed away. innalillahiwainailaihirojiun. al-fatihah untuk arwah. actually im really2 not closed with my grandmother. both side. grandparents from my dad side, i never could see them. im not sure they died before i was born or died when i was too young. meanwhile my grandmother ( my mother side), im jz remember her when i was like 10 years old. my grandfather and grandmother are divorced and i never see my grandfather. the only thing i know is he passed away when im in matriculation. so the only grandparents that i ever see and know her face is my grandmother. but when i was 10 she already sick because of stroke. so she cannot speak @ move at all. so as the matter of fact, i never feel like having a grandparents.

the only family that i know and closed is jz my parents and my siblings. there a few of uncle and aunty i know from my mother side. and from my father side, i jz know their faced ( sumtime we visit them on Hari Raya). i got a lot of cousin (from both side) but siyesly i dont even know any of their names. not even one. so when i got call from my dad, i jz like nothing. not a feeling show. and im really confused about it. im not sad. but im sad because im not sad. if u got what i mean.

but yeah its also got me thinking, how long will we be still a live. one seconds? one minutes? hour? day? month? year? we would never be sure about that. its can end anytime.. so when i was die, did its enough for me to faced my Creator? all those sin, mistake that i had make.. did i ever ask forgiveness for it? did i got it, from my Creator and from human being..

i also thinking about the person i know is die. am i ever gonna hv chance to ask forgiveness from him/her? does he/she will not claim from my at judgement day? how im gonna pass judgement day if i never ask forgiveness from all of them.

losing sumone (especially sumone u love) is gonna hurt and make u sad. but its never end here. we still got afterlife to deal with. place where it will be forever. in front of our Creator. so on this opportunity, im begging for all of my frenz who read this post to forgive me. from the bottom of my heart..